personal+writing+excerpt

 //__Wrong Hope__//


 I’ll be waiting for you, I say. And I did. I waited. I waited everyday for you to show up. For you to tell me you’re sorry for having me wait so long. But of course, you don’t, because you never even did show up. I would stand aimlessly waiting for you to come and make my life bright again. I don’t want to believe that you’re such a heartless monster. If you don’t want to come, at least give me a call or text. But you don’t. You keep me waiting. You feed me the wrong messages. But just once, you did come. Everything was perfect. After that day you never came again. Then I would keep waiting. You gave me hope, you gave me false alarms, you kept me from leaving you, and you gave me something to survive for, to live for. Out of no-where you took it all back, without notice. Now I have nothing…

- 1/27/09

//__Love__//
Love to me is very strong. Do not say it easily to someone you don’t love. Do not claim something to someone, something you can’t fulfill. Now you may ask what love is. Love isn’t when you say that you love somebody’s gorgeous hair, or when you see a stunning dress, or when you want to thank somebody for a huge favor. Love is not love when you just say you love somebody. Your heart says for you, your actions reflect your love. Plainly saying I love you doesn’t mean anything unless you do and it is coming form your true heart. Love to me is when someone is constantly there for you, no matter what. They understand you and show you that. They appreciate you and put you before themselves. If you can’t say that you are willing to do absolutely anything in your will power to make your loved one happy, then maybe you need to question yourself. Love is so strong that anything in between can’t stop it. Is your loved one so very important? More then money, more then your job, more then anything you think you care about?

- 1/28/09

//__Failure __//
 I failed my friends I failed my family I failed myself I failed my heart I failed life in general I hoped I prayed I tired I tried so hard But I didn’t get what I want It was my life It was my dream It was the only thing I was holding onto in life But now, It is gone It vanished into thin air Leaving a small crackle I dreamed of Harvard, Yale, and Oxford I dared to hope for being what I wanted I wanted to succeed as lawyer I wanted to publish my books But, how can I do this when I failed the first step? What is left of this black and cold world?

2/7/09



//__Unexpected Turn__//
I sit across from her, so her features are clearer to me. Her striking almond eyes, large and beautiful standing out among the seas of faces. Her raven black hair falling across her shoulders. Her cheekbones strong and inviting. Her smooth thin translucent lips drawing attention. She is wearing a loose white tee and a pair of black shorts. Her flats are also in a shade of black. Her fingers are slim and long gently holding her I-pod. Her light blue veins transparent under her skin. Her eyes are closed, though. She is sleeping. Maybe she is tired. Four stops later she gets up. Everyday I see her and she gets up on the same stop. Today she sat next to me. She smelled like fainted, really faint apples. Today she wore a loose navy tee which was knotted at her hip, revealing a bit of skin. She wore a pair of cut out Bermuda shorts in a light blue. She wore a pair of white flats. Her long hair falling across her face. She sleeps and the bus turns a big turn. The motion causes her to tip over. She falls and her head lies on my shoulders. I let her sleep. When it is her stop I call her lightly. I tell her it is her stop. She apologizes and walks away. She walks away, but before she leaves she looks at me. I look at her too. I want to remember her. Her bright and big almond eyes shining. Her ebony hair glistening and fanning across her shoulders. Her thin pale lips completely irresistible. Her cheeks blushed to a rare shade of pink. She smiles shyly. I would remember this smile for my life.




 I look at my watch. Darn I’m 5 minutes late. I rush to the café I’m supposed to meet my friend at. I swung the doors open and walk in. I don’t see him so I call him. He tells me that he can’t come. His company had to complete a project first. I tell him its okay. But of course it is not. What will I do now? The waiter approached me and asked, “How Many?” I follow the course and reply, “Just me, thank you.” He led me into the bright café. He seated me and asked, “Is there anything I can get you?” I answered, “Yes, can I have a cup of Vanilla Latte?” He nodded and added, “The books were moved. They are over the other side now,” I told him, “Thank you.” I actually knew. After all I come here often. I love this book and café idea. I came here just yesterday so I knew that the books moved. The waiter comes back with my drink, on the saucer, under the cup; I see a leaf shaped paper. The light green reminded me of the insides of limes. The waiter begins, “That sir, pointing over told me to give you that,” I thank him and look at the man. He looked like my age, early twenties. He has coffee colored hair and beautiful chestnut eyes, which were a shade lighter then my own. He smiled at me. His smile reminded me of somebody. I go on reading the leaf note. It read, I noticed your watch. It’s a men’s watch, though. I wonder why you had it. I took out a muted yellow post-it and wrote, well, my boyfriend was the son of a jewelry company owner. He specialized in watches so he made us a pair. But then he died, trying to save a kid from a coming car. During the accident his watch shattered a bit, but I still kept it. I decided to wear his and take off my mine. I handed the sheet to the waiter and told him to give it to the man. He read it and wrote I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring out your pain. The waiter handed the paper to me and I read it. The waiter once patient face turned annoyed. So I wrote quickly BTW, your smile reminds me of somebody. I pick up my trench coat and walk over to the man. I left the paper on his table and walked out. 


 I swung my black “Jansport” book bag onto the hard wooden table. He took the seat next to me. I tried to hide my frustration, but I was un-successful. He began, “Look I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” I looked at his large brown eyes with my equally large brown eyes which were a shade darker then his. There was silence in our tensed stare. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I tried again, “What you did was what you did. Hey, I have no one to blame but myself.” He responded, “Just know that I didn’t intend it to end up the way it did.” Frustrated by his words I bellowed, “What do you mean you didn’t intend that, even if you didn’t you should’ve known.” I paused and started again, “I mean seriously, its common sense not to bash at others.” I looked at his eyes and began, “I know you are smart and all, but not everybody is like you. I can’t help it that you know more then I do. But can’t you make it less obvious that you know everything I don’t?” This time he responded, “I’m so sorry, can’t you understand that?” It took me a moment to come up with an answer and when I did I said, “Sorry doesn’t help.” He turned my bare shoulders so I would face him. He asked hopefully, “Can’t you forgive me just this once?” I sighed and replied, “This isn’t about just about you and me or this situation it is about the way one should act. It’s about how we were structured, our beliefs, and our boundaries that we do not cross.” I turned around so I wouldn’t face him and my tears started descending down. Slowly and steadily. Everything became a blur, faint and mysterious.


 The person you marry May not be the person you love the most The person you love most May not be the one that brings you the most joy The person that brings you the most joy May not be the most important person in your life But who is there to judge this Other then Yourself?

<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 204);"> __//<span style="font-size: 14pt; color: rgb(51, 102, 204);">Distinctive //__ <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 204);"> Pretty pretty boy Pretty pretty boy She plays it coy and sly She hides her intriguing smile She portrays that innocent innocent girl The good girl who sleeps at ten thirty The quiet one, obedient and sweet Me, me? Ohh, no I’m not like her Not at all I don’t cover my laugh with my hand I don’t agree on something for the sake of agreeing I don’t find the time to comb my hair I don’t stay home and cook I break the rules from time to time Ii throw on jeans and T-shirts Don’t expect me to listen to everything you say, pretty pretty boy I live for my freedom And I’m not the housewife Take it o leave it That’s how I am and who I am Pretty Pretty Boy <span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 102);">

//__<span style="font-size: 14pt; color: rgb(51, 153, 102);">Do You Believe Me? __// <span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 102);">

His crow black hair glistened under the shining sun. He tired, he tried so hard. He pushed himself up that tremendous mountain towering over everybody. Though his legs and muscles felt like they were failing him he forced himself to go on. His opponent was already kilometers ahead. //<span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 102);">How could he do this, looking like it is effortless? Why do I struggle so very hard and have to behind him still? Am I less capable? //<span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 102);"> He tries with all his might. He can’t lose, he must complete this. The fire, the passion and the raging anger pushed him to go, even though he could go no more. Though he is trying with all his might, he does not get applause but received taunts. He hears voices murmuring that he will lose, that his destiny was to always be behind his opponent. People are all watching for him to collapse and for him to admit to his failure. Everybody thought victory was not on his side. But, all of a sudden, his opponent stops. He pauses and seems like he is resting. //<span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 102);">Has his energy finally gone out? Is this my chance, his downfall? Can I catch up to him? This is it if I work a little harder, I can make it. I can out beat what it seems like to be the result. // <span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 102);">Though his opponent is really far ahead, he stopped. He is not picking up pace anymore. It’s like when you run too hard and fast, the energy will die down quicker. On the other hand, the slower participant is keeping up his steady pace and is trying to catch up. He is not tired or afraid of the hardships and the taunts he hears and faces. All he can see is that he will out beat his opponent and all he can hear is the applause for doing the impossible, for beating the unbeatable!

<span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 255);">

<span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 255);">
<span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 255);"> I walked pass the dark crowed stairs. I went from flight to flight. When there was no more left I just walked slowly, pacing every moment. My eyes found somebody I wish I didn’t see. But I had to face it anyway. Here he was with her girlfriend, in their own sanctuary. A sanctuary in which I wasn’t allowed in. Every whisper, every word, every step, every kiss lingered in my heart. I shouldn’t care at all but I do. It still stings, it still hurts, to know that he moved on fast and found himself a new girl. Their lips moving in synchronization, slowly reminiscing how it felt through the cold harsh wind, something I could never have. Every time his hands moved to free her hair caught to her mouth by the strong wind. Every time he wrapped his arms around her waist. Every time he had his face in her hair. Every time her lips moved slowly to tell him little things, the pain struck me. And it struck me hard, without mercy. I tried to forget but I couldn’t. Luckily I didn’t have to see it for longer then 10 minutes. My train, my own sanctuary came. Its speed blew my hair in the distance. Relieved I walk into the train, watching them fade into the distance.

__//<span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 153);">Murmurs //__
<span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 153);"> I hugged her tightly to my chest. I wrapped my arms tightly around her slim waist. I buried myself into her hair, her soft wavy hair. It was long and beautiful. It smelled like soft fainted roses. Light and lingering, enough to lure me from anything. Right here, it was bliss, heaven. Nothing to do, worry, or think about. Just with her, the world could stop spinning and I wouldn’t know. She breathed as I stroke her cheeks gently, small affections. I kissed her hair then moved to her cheeks again. She laughed and I stayed still. Everything about her was so inviting. I moved my mouth to find hers and gave her a slow, soft light kiss. No words or any sort just our own world. I murmured softly to her, “Love you so much more then you know.” She replied, “I know,” allowing me to brush by her cheeks and her hair again.

//__<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Outsider __//
<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> My almond eyes stared at them intensely, I admit. I can’t help myself. Simply, I can’t face this ugly truth. The guy with the stripped green button down had his arms entwined around the girl’s waist. This other girl had her share of one of the most passionate kisses ever. A pair of couple laughed and talked like it was the last day one earth. Another guy had his head buried against his girlfriend’s brown hair. I can’t explain or describe exactly how it looks like or what it is but all their love, their candor, their affections are killing me. It kills me to know that I can never ever be one of them.

__//<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 204);">Flawed //__
<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 204);"> You may not notice, but it still stings when you act like you don’t know me. As if I never existed in your life, as if I was invisible. Why is that the case? We had our joyful memories but you threw it away and pretended I never had step foot in your life. As if I’m not good enough for you. Perhaps I’m not. Which is why you don’t care about me? You go on with your life, laughing and talking with others like you did with me. Except that girl isn’t me anymore. You don’t say hi, you don’t notice me, you simply don’t care or maybe you never did. Maybe, perhaps, over time I will forget. When my hair turns white, when all I can see is a blur, when all I can hear is nothing I will no longer remember you, what you did to me. How you burned my soul, my existence.

<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">

// __Nothing to offer__ //
I loved you so much, but I wasn’t enough for you. You wanted the world. You wanted everything, everything I couldn’t give. I made you food, you wanted a feast. I gave you a flower, you wanted a bouquet. I gave you water, you wanted an ocean. I gave you a sea shell, you wanted a beach. I gave you a lamp, you wanted the sun. I gave you a poem, you wanted a library. I gave you a post card, you wanted the country. I gave you a house, you wanted a tower. I gave you a car, you wanted a plane. I took you to a carnival, you wanted Disney. I wrapped myself like a present. But you threw me away, you didn’t want me

<span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 255);">
<span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 255);"> Do you notice my change? I do. I know it like I know the sky is blue. I’m not the person I use to be. I don’t know myself like I use to. You ask me how do I think of the change. Well, there are pros and cons, but it is different, very. I don’t know why there is change. But I assure you I’m not the same person. The surrounding, the environment, the atmosphere, and the people shaped me to the way I am now. Sometimes I enjoy my difference and sometimes I despise it. I matured, I learned to face the fact I know I have to do things in life I don’t like, I know there is so much other then myself, and one more thing I know how to hold back my tears. But the emotions I once felt rushing through my veins uncontrollably don’t exist anymore. Maybe it’s good thing maybe it’s a bad thing. I don’t know. Habits change, new ones develop. Time is used differently now. Feelings changed, they are like complete strangers. It’s like having a new home. There is sorrow, pain, excitement, and mystery. I can never get too comfortable, though, because I know I would change again and again till the very day I die. I know this fact like I know the earth spins.

<span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255);">
<span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255);"> Women are illogical sirens Women are unreasonable monsters Women are mysterious creatures Women are beautiful aliens Women don’t speak the same language men do Like a fish trying to speak through giggles to a hummingbird Women, however don’t like it when we make assumptions About them But other then that, What do you know about them?

//__<span style="font-size: 16pt; color: rgb(153, 51, 102);">Paint the picture __//

She holds her pallet She puts up her easel She gets a sheet of paper She grabs a pencil She draws smoothly like the calm waters She glides like ice skaters Her eyes shine like diamonds Her tears are like crystals Her hair blows in the wind Like the dandelions in the open fields Her fingertips brush across the surface of the painting So slowly and lightly Like a mother hushing her child to sleep Her brush strokes with ease as she paints her picture She paints as her tears slid across her cheeks And down to the ground Like the raindrops falling down from the dark sky But I don’t know why she is crying So I go up and ask her She replies like a bird pecking on a tree in an empty forest “For every tear, there is a story”

//__<span style="font-size: 16pt; color: rgb(153, 204, 255);">Waiting __// <span style="font-size: 16pt; color: rgb(204, 153, 255); text-decoration: none;"> <span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 255);">I sit on my sofa Gazing at the sky And the clouds in the sky Seeing things so peaceful Magnifies my thumping heart The frustration lingers in the room The sunny weather tries to warm up my room But my dark emotions flutters the sun away I try to cry myself to sleep I gulp down my guilty pleasure, the Lychee martini And try to let it take me away, but no it didn’t My ears continues to hear outside the streets The soothing violin from the girl in the park The vibrant roses in the hands of young girls The green from the trees is a blur The spring air floods through my curtains I look down at my square tiles My eyes glance upon the park in the distance I hear those gleeful laughs And I sink away I see those adults running after their children And I sink away My eyes stroll away to my clock It clearly read 7 o- clock I slip on my tee shirt and my Bermuda shorts I slowly roll my suitcase away I lock those doors behind me Forever And leave

//__<span style="font-size: 16pt; color: rgb(204, 255, 204);">Sea salt __// <span style="font-size: 16pt; color: rgb(204, 255, 204); text-decoration: none;"> <span style="font-size: 16pt; color: rgb(153, 204, 255); text-decoration: none;"> <span style="color: rgb(153, 204, 255);">She sits down with a cup of coffee The dark mixture Blends in with the chocolate colored cup The swirls on the cup are Round and gold like a pair of golden hoop earrings The salt holder is in shape Of a seashell The small flakes of salt is like Snow bits And Snowflakes Her fingers, so long and smooth Like the endless clam waters Reaches for the seashell salt holder She sprinkles salt on the layer of coffee Like a ice-cream employee sprinkling sprinkles On top of the three layer vanilla ice cream cone Effortlessly and with grace But why there is salt in her cup of coffee Is a mystery To Us All……..

<span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255);"> __//The Subway//__

<span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 255);">Do you know what the subway looks like to me? It looks like the world, all the countries, just in a horizontal line. Every now and then there are a spot covered, mobbed with people. Students to be exact. Like countries or places filled with tourists. It could be mistaken for Italy, New York, France, Hong Kong, or England. Every group of student have their own designation like they are actually grouped a certain way, like there is a reason why certain places are so popular. Then there are smaller, less popular countries, or just a few students here and there. Don’t you agree that everything people do sort of reflect our word, our society? And this is how I see the subway.